Recently I came to the awareness that I have built much of my world view around something my grandpa taught me when I was little. Basically that women are here on this earth to be men’s play things and give them children. If you’re reading this blog you may not already know that I am transgendered, born female and now live my life totally embraced as male (since I first wrote this I’ve become more open about expressing the blend of genders that I am).
I happen to live with profound opportunity at my finger tips. On a daily basses I am loved and encouraged, I help to create a nonprofit that is starting to get off the ground and I have a spiritual teacher who guides me every day. One would think that success would come easily with all this opportunity and love.
This is where my worlds or at least my world perspectives collide. In this realization of founding my world view upon something I would not choose for myself, how do I reconcile this with my new world view and the opportunity at hand? This is the question I’m asking myself. Perhaps you find yourself in a similar place, with two world views coming crashing in to each-other.
It’s funny how questions often lead to deeper questions. The question I am finding myself asking myself now is “what are you available for?” I went and stood in the mirror and asked myself about the choices I’m making and where I was taking myself. I said out loud “you can make a new choice”.
When I feel defeated and unworthy I go back to that default mode that I am nothing more than a plaything for men. And when I am engaging in life to my maximum capacity in any given moment I feel excited about the opportunity at my finger tips. The image of the Cherokee story of Two-Wolves comes to mind (watch the video below).
And the questions deepen “what am I feeding, what I am keeping alive?” With that I also know that I can only change what I am aware of. Addiction can be looked at in the same light. What choices are feeding the addiction and what choices are aiding in the healing process? Do you notice the choices you, yourself are making? What wolf are you feeding?
Addicted to Default 